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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.

Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman.... Stuff you might yearn for in later life!

Paul
 

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A policeman on horseback asks a little girl on a bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and gives her a fine.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"


Paul
 

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Stolen from the Basschat forum....

Just discovered that Dickens' 'Tale of Two Cities' was initially serialised in two local newspapers.

It was the Bicester Times and the Worcester Times
 

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Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody
knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.

Paul
 

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So I was in the chemist and I said to the assistant “What gets rid of coronavirus?”

She said "Ammonia cleaner."

I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”
 

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A man was arrested yesterday after falling into combine harvester whilst trying to steal it... He's being bailed tomorrow.

Paul
 

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A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...


Looking for man with these qualifications: - won't beat me

up - won't run away from - is great in bed. She got lots of
phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at
her door one day.

The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't
beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

Paul
 

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The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot contract
Covid-19.

Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out!

Paul
 

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I once asked singer Elkie Brooks if I could guess the name of her dog...

She said “OK - but you're a fool if you think its Rover"...

Paul
 

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A horse trotted into a Pub, and the barman said......."Why the long face"..........and then he remarked,......"I've got a whisky named after you".............The horse replied...."What, you have a whisky called Eric".

(I can here the groans from here).??

//
 

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"Single man with toilet paper would like to meet single woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun."

Paul
 

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My mate Billy is a lorry driver for Draylon the cotton makers.

Me and some other lads went to his house to see if he wanted to play golf.

"Sorry' his wife said, "he's working today, he's gone to get some cotton from Leeds".

Disappointed we left.

A week later we called at his house again.

"You've just missed him" his wife said "he gone to get some cotton"

Again we left disappointed having missed him again.

We thought we'd try one more time a few days later.

As we approached the house we noticed all the curtains closed.

After knocking the door his wife answered.

"Wondering if Billy wants to play Golf...is he in?"

With this she burst into tears and told us there was this terrible accident on the motorway when Billy was getting cotton and was killed.

As you can imagine we all attended the funeral a week later... on his headstone is said....'Here lays Billy...Gone...but not for cotton!

Paul
 
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