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We're a very panicky lot. I remember someone started a rumour in the early 1970s that there was a shortage of toilet rolls. Needless to say, within days there was a shortage because people had panic-bought and cleared the shops. If only we'd stayed in the caves ...
 

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I can remember sitting in the Animal Cafe one afternoon back in 1978 when a panda walked in and bought a couple of salad sandwiches. After eating them, it produced a pistol and fired three bullets into the ceiling. It then walked out of the door and was never seen again. Sure enough, when I looked up 'panda' in the dictionary, the definition was as follows: 'a large black and white Asian mammal...EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES'
 
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