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63 Posts

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the
doctor's surgery and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her
left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow
and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

1,261 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Q.What's big and grey and sings jazz songs?
A.Elephant Fitzgerald

Q.What's black and white and grey all over?
A.An elephant in a nunnery

Q.How do you pick up an elephant?
A.Buy her a HUGE gin and tonic

1,261 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·

Q.How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A.With a blue elephant gun

Q.How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A.Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?

Q.How do you shoot a red elephant?
A.Hold his trunk until he turns blue, then shoot him with the blue elephant gun

Q.How do you get four elephants in a Note?
A.I usually put the kids in the back seat and the wife up front.

Q.How do you get four giraffes in a Note?
A.You can't, all us elephants are in there already.

Q.How do you know when two elephants are in your fridge?
A.You can hear them giggling when the light goes out.

Q.How do you know when there are three elephants in your fridge?
A.You can't close the door


Q.How do you know when four elephants are in the fridge?
A.There's a black 1.5dci N-Tec parked outside the house

Edited by: SneakyElephant

39 Posts
At the boating lake: Attendant 1 through the loudhailer says "Come in number 99, your time is up". Attendant 2 looks puzzled and says "We don't have a number 99". Attendant 1 picks up the loudhailer again and shouts"Number 66 are you in trouble?".....

63 Posts
I thought with this being a motor orientated website - some insurance info might help !

<div style=":white">Make sure
you get the Correct Insurance for the sex you are

find a list of companies below catering for most tastes:

Sex with
your wife - Legal & General.

Sex on the telephone - Direct

Sex with your Partner - Standard Life.

Sex with
someone Different - Go Compare.

Sex with a Fat bird - More

Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels.

with a posh bird - Privileged.

Sex with
an OAP - Saga !

Sex with a
transvestite -!

63 Posts
A man and his
wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink
dress, sleeveless with straps..
He was wearing his usual jeans and
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
They passed in front of a
large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted
pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty
lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this
was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by
puckering her
lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla
got even more
excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the
husband suggested
that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more
She did.... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars
"Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung
her in
with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

"Now. Tell HIM you have a
bloody headache."

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63 Posts
<div style="margin-bottom:12.0pt">

The Irish Bic Lighter

Bob and Ralph were fishing on the

Irish shoreline when Bob

Pulled out a cigar. Finding he had

No matches,he asked Ralph for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,'

Ralph replied with an Irish

Accent, and then reaching into his tackle

Box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'My God, man!' exclaimed Bob,taking

The huge Bic Lighter in his hands.

'Where'd yew git dat monster?'

'Well,' replied Ralph,

'I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a fecking Genie?' Bob asked.

'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle Box,' says Ralph.

'Could I see him?'

Ralph opens his tackle box and

Sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the Genie,Bob says,

'Hey dere! I'm a good pal of Your master.

Will you grant me One wish?'

'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.

So Bob asks the Genie for a Million bucks.

The Genie disappears Back into the tackle box leaving

Bob sitting there waiting for his million Bucks.

Shortly,the Irish sky Darkens and is filled with the sound of

A million ducks..... Flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks

Bob yells at Ralph,

'What the hell? I asked for a million Bucks,

not a million ducks!'

Ralph answers,

'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat DA Genie Is hard of hearing.

Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'

1,261 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I went to the doctor yesterday. I said 'Doctor, when I wake up in the morning I feel like a wigwam...but when I go to bed I feel like a teepee.'
The doctor said 'That's your problem Mr.'re TOO TENSE.'
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